I’ve daydreamed once or twice about traveling back in time and finding my 15-year-old self. She’d be in utter shock upon seeing an exceptionally preserved 31-year-old Charity standing in front of her; she’d be beside herself…literally. 🙂
Let’s just imagine that she not only opened her mind up to the scifi-time-flux-capacitor-absurdity of it all, but was also extremely curious to hear what older-me had to say on life lessons & matters of the heart.
What would I say to her if I had that chance?
- Don’t worry…in like 2 years, your boyish frame gets curvier. You won’t look like a malnourished child forever.
- It’s all fun and games before 25. Hell…before 30. You won’t really know yourself till then so try not to take yourself or others (boys in particular) too seriously.
- It’s ok to say no. It’s better than a phony yes.
- The boys will always do the chasing. There’s no reason for girls to pursue. A man should always be the aggressor; that’s one gender-role that keeps society healthy & balanced.
- Those low points…those rough spots…they’re a part of life. Pain is meant to be felt. Don’t run or distract yourself from it. Embrace it. It gives you character.
- However, you probably shouldn’t get on the back of that Korean boy’s motorcycle in your last year of highschool. Even though the following 4-months of being bed-ridden + excruciating physical therapy hours were quite character-building, your OCD and paranoia stem from the moment your foot went into the wheel shaft and your tibia + fibula shattered. Avoid at all costs.
- “Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.”
- Rice is the devil.
- Romance is a by-product of American consumerism. It’s used to sell books, to drive movie sales, to boost an economy obsessed with status & materialism. If you and your partner were stranded in the middle of the Andes, roses or rings mean nothing. Focus on what really matters…the person in front of you.
- “Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be. Figure out what you want then learn how to ask for it.” This approach can save you from so much heartache & misunderstanding, etc. If you never ask…you’ll never get. Great communication = great relationships.
- Manage your expectations. It’s not about finding the right person. It’s about learning to love the person you’ve found.
- People are not loving and loyal all of the time.
- You have to be able to bring something to the table. You have to stand on your own two feet. Nothing excuses you from the fact that you have to hold your own.
- “Progress isn’t always about moving forward. It isn’t about never making the same mistakes. Sometimes it’s about being better equipped to handle a fallout when it inevitably happens.”
- It’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s about resolution.
- “Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”
- There is no perfect formula with love, with relationships. Everyone has their own style, their own blueprint. It takes hard work, just like being in school, to learn the basic principles of relating & connecting. It’s trial by fire. You’ll burn some people. Others will burn you. But don’t be afraid to make those mistakes. You’ll need all that fire to get you to the right internal temperature for that man who will one day stick a fork in you and find that you’re his kind of doneness. 🙂
- Apologize when you’ve done something wrong. Mean it.
- Once you’ve had your say, learn to let it go.
- There will be women that hate on you for no explicable reason. Do not take it personally. Remember, envy is the sincerest form of flattery.
- Follow through. Stop putting things off.
- Have a life outside of your relationship. Miss each other once in a while!
- ‘Love’ is not a feeling. Love is a decision. Feelings are just mood swings. They come and go. If your relationships are solid, they should never be swayed by feelings. Just think about your family connections – no matter how much they hurt you, you still bounce back. You must decide & commit to love.
- Say what you mean without being mean.
- Stay away from tequila. And meth. It’s bad news bears.
- A PC game comes out soon that you will absolutely love – Starcraft. Don’t worry…all those hours of gameplay in high school will pay off in college. You’ll meet the coolest geeks because of it.
- Even if some of those guys offer to do your college coding homework, you really don’t need them to. Handle it yourself. Stand on your own two feet. Shortcuts get you nowhere.
- Take care of yourself. Take care of your body. Keep tight; keep toned. 🙂 Indulge in vanities. Spoil yourself. Keep up your appearance. Looking good keeps you feeling good. Anyone who argues with that is wildly mistaken. Sound body, sound mind.
- “Behind every successful man is a strong woman.” Continually push yourself. More importantly, continually push him. Teamwork.
Imagine 15-year-old Charity’s face after the splattering of unsolicited advice & un-relatable anecdotes – totally overwhelmed and bewildered but insanely receptive. I’d give her a big hug while getting teary eyed; I’d probably tell her to stand up straight and push the bangs out of her eyes. We’d smile. I’d make my way back to the DeLorean and as I turned to say goodbye…I’d toss her a small flash drive labeled “The entire Wikipedia database”.
There’s your Almanac, kid. Eat your heart out. 🙂