Before dozing off to sleep last night, I found myself swimming amidst feelings of nostalgia and pleasant peace. Thinking back on the last couple of months, I laid there, smirking and smiling, replaying random memories and quirky off-hand conversations. It was surprising that these moments weren’t events that brought any significant amount of pleasure or pain. I wondered how I was able to retain them; I have an incapability of registering moments of the mundane. Then I thought, maybe a couple of years from now when my memory fades, I’ll recall these memories a little differently.
So in an effort of simple self-preservation, these are the few moments that splashed in an almost cheesy, cinematic montage in my mind; with my favorite track as the score of course:
- Manngo and I standing in our empty apartment. Bare walls. Bare floors. Elating. Serene. Free.
- The first real conversation that I had with Jordan concerning elements of texting etiquette: He takes my phone and scrolls through my library of texts, critiquing dialogue between particular male friends of mine. Proving his point, he texts a few of them, pretending to be me, eliciting responses that he predicts almost verbatim; deeming it “typical”. It was a good laugh and a definite eye-opener. [Side note: I haven’t taken my phone conversations with the opposite sex seriously since then. My newly conditioned mantra: Play it cool. Don’t overcompensate.]
- Waking up in Vegas in a frantic scramble, struggling to recall the night before. My hands quickly yet thoroughly scanning my body for evidence of clothing and undergarments. Seeing my roomate laying beside me and feeling an instant rush of peace. My head aching and the room spinning. Words coming out of my mouth without permission, “What happened? What the hell happened?” while Jordan picks himself off the floor to flee from our fits of laughter, loathing and lunacy. Enduring hours of recuperating from the massive, mindblowing hangover… I recall the concern and care – from my sweet S.O., Trina and her pho cure, my brothers and their attempt to get me on a treadmill, a quick visit from my mom, the teasing from my wheelchair wingman Roy, and Jordan with his patient yet playful doting.
- Driving through Napa Valley with Manngo. Autumn-hues. Small-town magic. Perfect chill. Strolling through aisles at Dean & Deluca, sipping coffee, munching on scones, mingling with locals. Browsing through bottles of wine and flirting with the handsome store clerk. Watching Manngo’s eyes light up at the pastry counter while furiously taking photos of carrot cupcakes, cocoa cups and mint medlies. In that short moment in time, feeling like I belong somewhere.
- Sitting at the Bellamore table amidst laughter and FTC food lethargy. Glaring at the twinkling Christmas tree, disconnected with the holiday but feeling the spirit. And while screaming expletives at the screen, encouraging Luigi to keep up and “bubble bubble bubble”, I revel in our insanity and realize there isn’t any where else in the world that I would rather be. There aren’t any other smiles, nor squeals, nor merriments that I’d rather see…than with these 3.
I probably fell asleep at that point. But upon waking, I sensed a warmth, a fuzziness inside. And I pictured my heart smiling…almost singing.