I don’t understand why I feel conflicted? As I’m typing this out, mind you, I’m trying to figure it out myself…
- I’ve transitioned and changed a bit, but I don’t feel like…me? I’ve neglected church. I spend on fleeting pleasantries that have no beneficial outcome. I’m more sickly than I was before, perhaps due to my growing affinity for liquor and disrupted sleep schedules. I feel so distant from my friends back home. I just feel so out of character.
- Honesty and transparency are attributes that I desire most to find in those I surround myself with. But I’m having a hard time trying to find it? I’m even more troubled by the fact that I haven’t even been honest with myself.
- I’m disheartened by the realization that decency is hard to come by. People are misleading. I know that’s a given of life but it still saddens me.
Then there’s this knot in my stomach – a gut feeling that something’s not right.