Such a great excerpt from How to be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo:
LETTING GO OF BLAME:
We may use blame and criticism to cover up needs that we have not expressed or that have not been met. Our essential needs await fulfillment behind all the ego layers: fear, attachment, control, complaint, and defenses. To state our needs rather than to blame others for not fulfilling them leads to the very openness and vulnerability that makes for authentic intimacy. Apply this knowledge by understanding the impulse to blame as a signal of some unmet need and stating the need instead of blaming. Change “You were wrong to do this” to “I need your attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, or allowing.” When you find yourself thinking critically about a partner or friend (“You should stop smoking”), try changing the criticism to an affirmative, even prayerful, and kindhearted wish (“May you find the strength to stop smoking”).