Another 4th has come and gone, and I’m the same scaredy cat afraid of fireworks and sudden bangs. I honestly haven’t met a girl who’s ever been a fan of them? What is it about guys loving obnoxiously loud noises and gunpowder that goes pop in the night? Perhaps its residual wartime after-effects passed down from generations before them. They long for combat; they long for battle. Nowadays the closest thing they get to expressing that aggression is via video games, and what a bloodless pastime at that.
Aaaaaaand Tipsy Charity is back! 🙂 Hope your week has been going splendid so far.
Do you remember that show Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? I wonder where she ended up. Or if anyone really found her. Why was she running. Did the world even care about her. Speaking of shows…have you seen GLOW on Netflix? It’s amaaaazing! Anyone interested in doing a group costume for Halloween?
I almost fell off of my chair from inner-laughing. I couldn’t spell halloween…I tried to type it out a few times cause my mind blanked. H-O-L-L-Y-W-E-E-N? H-E-L-L-O-W-E-E-N? HA. Do you ever catch yourself laughing…at yourself? Like literally laughing. I do it all the damn time. And I’m here all night.
So like whoa, I must have been doing something wrong the past month because I’ve gained 8 pounds. The weight of a healthy, newborn baby. 8 POUNDS. Mother freakin f*cker. I don’t fluctuate that much normally. That is a hell of a lot of jigglybits to tone, and I don’t have a damn clue what part of my body or group of muscles to isolate for that shit. On the upside, I can now donate blood. All of my adult life, one of my objectives has been to donate blood to a local blood bank — but I’ve never been able to because of a specified weight limit. Now, I’m clearly over that margin. My friends, I’m ready to bleed for a cause. I’m turning a negative into a positive, and math isn’t my strong suit.
Speaking of bleeding, I feel the need to teach the older generation (and even ours…errrrrr, myself) the intricacies and subtleties of social media. Thanks to the advent of smart phones and handheld devices, each and every one of us has become self-proclaimed photographers, videographers, and true lovers of the incessant stream. Streaming our lives away on social media…yes, that’s the new norm. That’s what we all live for now. To post it, to ‘gram it, to snap it, to FB it. But why why why why why should anyone feel the need to post 10 photos of the same group of people sitting around a table about to eat but not eating…or 10 photos of a bachelorette party at a club surrounding a table of bottles that they’re never going to drink*…or another group of people in a pose that was an iteration of their last pose that they had been posing in since the invention of photography. This is mindless snapping people! You only need (1) photo to prove your point — pick a group shot and then give it a rest. And quit it with those awkward looking selfies please!?? Those selfies where your face takes up more than 50% of the frame, and you still sorta see your abnormally outstretched arm attempting to get your best angle, yet the whole reason for the photo was to showcase where you were that night or what new lands you were betrodding. SHOW ME SOME FREAKIN ACTION. Be candid, capture the unknown, stop posing! Thrill me with an amazing backdrop or something surprising. Peak our interest, and we might start to ‘like’ you. For reals. Because I’ve seen your g’damn face a million times thanks to social media. Stop with that crap. If you happen to look pretty on a specific day or lighting seems good, come on…don’t post it. Use Snapchat or IG stories so that shit disappears in 24 hours. purposeful > pretty
“Beautiful things never ask for attention.”
Wow, I was really feeling this wine.
Hopefully I don’t have to hear another firecracker go off on this street tonight. If I spill (anymore of) this wine on my shirt, I may just have to beat someone up.
For your viewing pleasure, here’s an example of a bad selfie:
* A JORDAN OBSERVATION: Why do women stoop down collectively and crouch before taking photos, as if in some form of occult? Do we like to cower together? Even if no one is behind us, we lower ourselves to the floor, either squatting or bowing forward, like submissives. Stand up STRAIGHT! Who the eff cares that you might be taller than other girls beside you. Posture! Poise!